Tormented by chick flicks this weekend…



Actually I have no one to blame but myself. I shoulda known better…

I ended up watching (or trying to watch) two chick flicks this weekend. I barely survived. Read on to experience my harrowing tale.

So normally I watch pretty hard hitting stuff like Spartacus, True Blood, or Breaking Bad, but this weekend there was a drought of good tv to watch. There weren’t any good movies out on DVD either. Most of the stuff I wanted to see was in the theater and I was too lazy for all that.

Anyway, I had just watched a couple of really depressing movies, one called Black Death and the other was Centurion.

After watching those pretty much back to back this week, I told myself I gotta watch something with a happy ending (no not that type of happy ending).

I checked on my Playstation Network and there were these two movies: When in Rome with Kristen Bell, and The Backup Plan starring Jennifer Lopez.

BEWARE: Those links are to the trailers for each movie. Even just watching the trailer can be enough to rob a man of his sanity. You have been warned.

Well, I actually like Kristen Bell, loved her in Veronica Mars. Can’t say I’ve been a fan of her movie work, but I’ll give her a shot, I guess. Jennifer Lopez I have no excuse for. I knew it was gonna be bad going in, but I thought it would at least be tolerable. At least I was able to actually watch the vast majority of When in Rome. I only had to hit the fast forward button a few times.

With Backup Plan that button was mashed down like I was having a seizure. I just couldn’t take more than 30 seconds of awful, awful dialogue at a time. I never thought it would be that bad.

She had to know how bad it was. I think she was like “just gimme the check already” when she read the script. I guess I can’t blame her.

These movies are strange to me. They get churned out, they’re so formulaic, they seem to do rather poorly in the theater, and they don’t do much for anyone’s career except for Jennifer Aniston.

I guess they make up the money on the backend from dumb-asses such as myself who think they can take it but really can’t. Don’t we all know the formula by now?

-Girl & Guy meet, neither one is looking for love, but love has found them.

Or has it? There’s something wrong. There’s some fundamental, undeniable reason why these two can’t be together.

-Or can they? The problem seems to be overcome .They get together and have a good time for about 20 minutes of the movie. Until…

-…some other flaw appears. No. They really can’t be together, and there’s nothing anyone can do about it.

-Or is there? One of the characters (usually the guy) has to go and run/jump/drive/crawl/swim to the other and make an impassioned speech for her/his love. This is usually done in front of a crowd of witnesses to verify and prove its authenticity, and just make it that much more special.

Awww. Credits roll.

I think I finished The Backup Plan in about 20 minutes. It was all my fault. I wanted something lighthearted and I went all the way left with it instead of choosing with some discretion.

The good news though, is I managed to survive without going comatose (barely). Some would say this makes me a hero, but no – I’m just a regular guy…

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One thought on “Tormented by chick flicks this weekend…

  1. Ha, I can top those two in the bad video department. Check out Meek’s Crossing. I go it because Rotten Tomatoes ranked it 86% fresh but WOW, what a freakin’ worthless and boring movie. I tell you, it’s worth renting just to see how horribly bad it is. I will never trust RT for movie reviews again.

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