Giant-Sized Cyborg Zombie Steve Jobs

This is just a comic I came up with when I was messing around with my iPhone and considering going back to Android full time. The scariest part of this one is that it could actually happen one day.


Click here to view a jpeg of the comic in a new window

I think we all know (or at least suspect) that a Steve Jobs backup personality is kept on file somewhere in a sub-basement of the Cupertino compound.

My suspicion is that once the iPhone market saturation declines to or below a specified percentage, the Steve Jobs backup personality will come on-line, take control of the country’s nuclear arsenal and launch a strike against the Googleplex.

Of course, Google’s headquarters are just a hop, skip and a jump away from Apple’s, so the resulting nuclear holocaust will probably destroy Apple as well.

Hey, war ain’t logical.

After that, it seems likely that Google and Apple would both set remote “kill switches” on all of their desktop, mobile and tablet devices so that they’ll all explode at the same time and destroy what’s left of the planet’s civilizations. It would be kind of a scorched earth screw you to all the people who foolishly bought their products, never realizing that instead of convenience and fun with increased social networking connectivity, they had purchased nothing but their own DEATHS.

At least that’s how I see it anyway. I could be wrong. It’s been known to happen.


For some reason my iPhone does not care to join local wifi networks. Or at least without a lot of wrangling and cursing.

I’m not sure why but no matter what network it is, whether it’s protected or open, the damn thing balks at joining it.

“Unable to join network” – that’s what I get for the first couple of tries each time. Eventually it always joins as if there were never any problem, like I was crazy…but I’m NOT CRAZY. Or am I..?

If it’s just going to login eventually after the first or second time, why not just do it the first time?

Because it hates me, that’s why.

…but I’m NOT CRAZY.

So anyway, I’ve restored this thing and forgotten networks and all that jazz. Never changes anything. Once in a great while it surprises me and seamlessly jumps on to a network without an issue. Very shocking. I actually suffered a cardiac arrhythmia one time when it happened. That’s when I began to suspect that the iPhone was trying to kill me.

I’m definitely, definitely not crazy.

These days I sleep with one eye open so I can watch the damn thing in case it tries anything. I keep it propped up on my nightstand. It probably doesn’t help that I changed my background image to a picture of the great Eye of Sauron. Now when I get a text or notification I look over and I see a fiery eye looking deep into my very soul. Maybe I am crazy. A normal guy would probably change that to a picture of some boobs or something.

Never had these problems with Android.


I actually had an Android phone first, and I was pretty cool with it, too. It always jumped onto a network just fine. I could install whatever I wanted, mount it to my Mac and move files with none of that damned iTunes syncing. All was great…except…my web clients didn’t care about Android. All they cared about was Apple.

Damn damn damn.

Every time: “How does it look on the iPhone? The iPad?”

I was using the various online emulators as well as web development tools to simulate it, but sometimes it just wasn’t good enough.

Never once did any client ask me how it looks on Android. When I would be tasked to develop for mobile, I’d tell the client I’m querying for different mobile devices. One even told me, “if anything other than the iOS devices costs extra, just leave it.”

I suggested that surely his entire base was not using iOS devices? It was not an Apple-centric site.

Well, he didn’t care. Right or wrong, his perception of the market was that Apple owned the market and the other devices could be dismissed.

I mentioned that we should check the stats after the site was live for awhile and see the breakdown of devices. His response: “Nope.”

Not all my clients were as hard-core as this. These days I just try to say “mobile” and not get into a whole device specific back-and-forth.

For now I’m just waiting until that giant-sized Steve Jobs monster finally goes online and goes on a rampage, so I can get out there and kick it’s ass -for the good of all mankind, of course.


I know this post is a bit of a ramble so i’ll try to cut it short.

I forgot to scan in the pencil of this one, so all I have is the inked version that I scanned in. This can give you an idea of how much is by hand and how much is digital:

For those who have been here awhile, you know I hate to draw backgrounds, so the city is actually a 3D prop from Daz Studio.

Everything as combined and colored in Photoshop, then the text was dropped in using Adobe Illustrator. I used the 3D features of Illustrator to make my logo to that “perspective arc” it’s doing in the image. Even though I normally use Blender for 3D, it would have been overkill for this piece.

Here’s the piece without all the text on top of it.


Ok that’s it for now my fine, feathered friends.

Let me know your thoughts on my ramblings in comments, and if you know anyone who might like this on please share it. You can either share the whole post or use the “Scribd” embed to repost it somewhere.

Thanks for reading and I’ll see you all later!

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25 thoughts on “Giant-Sized Cyborg Zombie Steve Jobs

  1. This was about the funniest, most creative, most awesome post I’ve read in a really long time! LOVE the idea that a Steve Jobs backup is merely waiting to jump us into a nuclear apocalypse! And your comic is simply fabulous!

    Also? you aren’t crazy. While my iPod Touch NEVER has a problem grabbing a network, my son’s iPad has issues like yours all the freaking time — sometimes even when we’re standing right next to each other. You aren’t crazy. You aren’t crazy.

    1. Hey Andi! Thanks for dropping in!

      Even as I was drawing this, I though “I sure hope there isn’t a Steve Jobs backup on a Time Machine backup somewhere at Apple”, but knowing them there probably is. We gotta keep buying those iPhones so he doesn’t wake up! lol

      And I feel bad for your son, because that is SO frustrating! If these things didn’t cost so much you can bet I’d be flinging them against the wall…but I ain’t that crazy :)

    1. Yeah Mitch, I think we would have much to fear if Jobs came back. I hope I didn’t accidentally jinx it. He’s probably right behind me as I type this th–

  2. LOL – what a classic post JG – and I’m not even an Apple fan! I’m definitely taking out Jobs insurance in case it happens!

    1. Thanks, Wonkie! It couldn’t hurt to get that insurance, especially if Apple’s stock keeps dipping, lol!

  3. Another picture to make me smile)) Thanks, JG!
    Apple products look so overwhelming these days.. Apple here, Apple there.. Everywhere..
    How to tell people not to buy it anymore? How to open their eyes??

    1. Hey Ted!

      Actually I’m usually a Mac/Apple user, but sometimes they make decisions for you with their products and I can’t stand that…especially when the feature doesn’t actually WORK lol.

      I don’t really have any loyalty to any of these companies, so I feel like Apple can be called out like the rest of them, and if that entails a cartoon then so be it :)

      thanks for dropping in!

    1. I would tend to agree that Steve Jobs was a one of a kind personality and can’t be replaced in that regard. Thanks for commenting!

  4. This post is just so amusing! I must say you are one of the few who are gifted with both artistic and linguistic intelligence. I simply love how you write and I’m so amazed by your creativity. I have always admired Steve Jobs and a book on his life (Steve Jobs Thinking Differently) is one of my favorites. Funny how you “created” the Giant-sized Cyborg Zombie Steve Jobs thing. lol. Anyways, my Android does always easily join networks but (lately), is having a time connecting to the internet while my IPAD has no problems at all. Still scary to think, though, that both devices will explode as a result of a nuclear war between Google & Apple, hehe. Great post, JG!

  5. My mac mini always has problems joining networks. It’s about as annoying as it gets. Why don’t you get an Android as your phone and and Ipad for around the house/in bed etc?

  6. I love this! The story is fantastic, I’ve been laughing for fifteen minutes! Your comic is just fantastic, you’re gifted! Keep up with the hard work, you’re doing it right!

  7. Hahahahaaaa.. Still laughing man! The artwork is awesome. While it’s a mockery on one side. But it also has hidden elements of truth on the contrary!

  8. Fantastic! Where do you find ideas for these fantastic comics? Your creativity always surprise me!

  9. I think Steve Jobs is one of the most intelligent people in the world, and I really admire him.
    Thanks you for the post JG.

  10. Hi, I agree with you that its better just to say mobile and not be platform specific. I myself love androids but sometimes it better to just avoid the conversation of which one is better.

    1. Right on Douglass, if you start arguing the merits/deficiencies of each mobile platform you’ll end up going on for weeks, with no end in sight.

      Even though my iPhone is my primary phone now, my Android still gets plenty of use for other stuff. Thanks for commenting!

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